Boundaries, Nicky Rowbotham, Embrace Your Elegant Power Image: Unsplash
The ‘B’ word can be daunting especially if you’re used to walking on eggshells to accommodate the people around you. Author, speaker and coach Nicky Rowbotham affirms that boundaries are necessary in order to step into your elegant power.
“For so long, the boundaries in my life looked like smudged chalk lines on the floor,” shares Nicky. Explaining that over time, those boundaries had been scuffed and faded to such an extent that no one could be sure that they were ever even there – “implicit permission to overstep the mark and I’d facilitated it.” Affirming that as she embraced her elegant power, the vague mistiness created by her lack of boundaries started to clear.
Below, she shares why boundaries are badass…
Boundaries are hard, but that is most often because we give up our personal power and assume the role of victim when it comes to holding boundaries. The biggest myth about boundaries is that other people are crossing them, but we have allowed them to be crossed, because it is not anyone else’s job to uphold, respect or honour our boundaries. It’s up to us. Where we have porous boundaries in our lives it can mean that we are unwilling to stand in our truth, and we need to continue to reframe that it’s brave and empowering to say no. It’s our way of holding space for ourselves and reclaiming our power.
Our boundaries shouldn’t change direction or shift with the wind. When we hold our boundaries consistently in all scenarios, they create clarity for others but they also send a message that we want to feel valued and we are worthy of feeling valued, and often this message is most important for ourselves. Saying no holds space for ourselves, but as important as the boundary is, the energy that we bring to holding that boundary is essential, as boundaries begin with our intentions. When we are grounded in our intrinsic sense of worth, creating and holding a boundary isn’t selfish, as it’s an act rooted in our self-worth and self-love. We have to put our own well-being first, in order to show up for ourselves and others in a better, more aligned way. As with the oxygen masks on a plane, we have to take care of ourselves first. It’s a fundamental energy shift within ourselves.
We need to reframe boundaries as badass and one of the most kind and loving things that we can do for ourselves. It’s kind and empowering to say that something no longer serves us. For this change to happen and long-lasting boundaries to be formed, we need to clean up what made us boundaryless in the first place.
Where we have no boundaries, we effectively block and override our own desires. We say that someone else’s agenda, needs, wants and desires are more important than our own. Boundaries are the limits that we set for ourselves and others about what we will not do, accept and tolerate in our lives. Start small and start to practice holding boundaries in areas of your life that feel safe. With practice, our boundary building muscle gets stronger and holding boundaries becomes more easeful.
Now, there is only one thing left to ask: How are you going to embrace your elegant power and set a new boundary for yourself today?
Boundaries Abbreviated – Nicky’s Top 6 Tips:
1. The biggest myth is that other people have crossed our boundaries. It’s not anyone else’s job to uphold, honour and respect our boundaries. It’s ours. But we need to do it in a way that is kind, empathetic, firm and human.
2. Guilt, resentment and resistance are all signs that we are not taking care of ourselves.
3. When we have porous boundaries, it means that we are not standing in our truth and are allowing others to set the tone and agenda for our lives.
4. It’s brave and empowering to say no. You’re saying yes to what you need.
5. Clarity and consistency in your boundaries is actually kind.
6. Resentment is the number one sign that a boundary is needed and that we are saying yes to things that we innately know we should be saying no to.
Nicky Rowbotham is author of Embrace Your Elegant Power – Your Path to Success with Ease and Steps to Finding Flow – Flip the Script on Stress; available in all good book stores, Amazon, Kindle, most audio formats and at nickyrowbotham.com.