When it comes to sex, many people still think of foreplay as a warm-up rather than a focal part of the main event. But foreplay isn’t just the opening act; research (and plenty of frustrated lovers) suggests that skipping or rushing through foreplay is one of the biggest reasons people struggle to reach orgasm.

“It’s common for couples not to realize that the quality of foreplay directly affects arousal, pleasure, and the ability to climax,” says Alexa Johnston, a sex and relationship expert at Just, Australia's premier online store dedicated exclusively to high-quality adult toys.

“Common mistakes in foreplay can create roadblocks to orgasm, leaving one or both partners feeling frustrated.”

So, what are these sneaky mistakes that could be standing between you, your partner, and better orgasms? Below, Alexa explains all:

1. Skipping Emotional And Mental Arousal

Great sex starts long before anyone gets naked. “Sexual desire isn’t just physical; it’s mental and emotional too,” says Alexa.

“If there’s no build-up—think flirty messages, affectionate touches, or a sense of connection—your body might not get the memo that it’s go-time.”

2. Not Spending Enough Time On Foreplay

If foreplay feels more like a pit stop than an essential part of the journey, chances are you’re not allowing enough time for proper arousal.

Rushing straight to intercourse means the body doesn’t get the chance to respond fully, which can significantly reduce the chances of orgasm. A few minutes of hurried touching won’t cut it!

3. Ignoring Communication

“Assuming you just ‘know’ what your partner likes is a risky game,” says Alex. “Everyone has different turn-ons, and those preferences can change.”

Without clear communication—both verbal and non-verbal—partners can end up fumbling in the dark (sometimes literally) and missing out on the kind of stimulation that actually leads to orgasm.

4. Repetitive Or Mechanical Foreplay

If your foreplay routine feels more predictable than your morning coffee order, that’s a problem. “Doing the exact same moves every time can make foreplay feel like a routine rather than something exciting; the lack of variety can lead to boredom, and boredom is the enemy of arousal,” says Alexa.

5. Neglecting Non-Genital Erogenous Zones

Many people get so focused on the obvious areas that they overlook other sensitive spots—like the neck, inner thighs, lower back, and even the scalp. Ignoring these areas can mean missing out on heightened arousal and, ultimately, a more intense orgasm.

6. Mismatched Pacing

Some people need slow, sensual build-up, while others thrive on faster, more intense stimulation. “If one partner rushes while the other needs more time (or vice versa), it can lead to frustration and missed orgasms,” says Alex. “Finding the right rhythm together is key.”

Johnston, shares, “the good news is that all these mistakes are all fixable. Building mental and emotional arousal with flirtation and affection creates anticipation and amplifies desire.

“Taking the time to slow down and immerse yourselves in foreplay means your bodies will be fully prepared for pleasure rather than simply rushing straight to intercourse.

“Communication is another vital factor—open discussions about what feels good and being receptive to feedback can make a huge difference. Keeping things fresh by introducing variety, experimenting with new touches, or changing the setting can also help keep foreplay exciting rather than repetitive.

“It’s also important to explore the whole body rather than focusing solely on the usual hotspots. Discovering what areas create the most response can lead to a more intense experience. Finally, matching your pacing so that both partners feel in sync allows for a more immersive and enjoyable build-up.”

1. Skipping Emotional And Mental Arousal

2. Not Spending Enough Time On Foreplay

3. Ignoring Communication

4. Repetitive Or Mechanical Foreplay

5. Neglecting Non-Genital Erogenous Zones

6. Mismatched Pacing

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