Unpacking the psychology of the erection types to improve your sex life
There may come a time in any of our lives when our erections, which have often been inconveniently frequent in the past, begin to take a nosedive. Perhaps this has already begun to happen to you, in which case don’t worry: it genuinely is a fairly frequent problem.
Maybe you’ve already spoken to your GP, or maybe it’s not quite the right time for that chat but you still want some august medical advice. Tamer Rezk, who also runs the medical wellness clinic Phycore, and clinical psychologist Rob O’Flaherty are here to unpack the science and psychology behind erections, as well as how to improve them.
The three stages of an erection
There are three stages to an erection and three types. The first stage is stimulus, which can be physical (contact like touching) or psychogenic (the wandering mind). Second is engorgement – this is where your plumbing comes into play and essentially relates to blood flow to the penis. The body releases a key substance called nitrous oxide, which dilates blood vessels and increases blood flow, making the penis hard. Lastly, we have the wind down – let’s call it the “flop stage” (non-medical terminology here) – where the penis returns to its normal size.
The three types of erections
All three types of erection end up with the same result, but often through very different routes. The most common erections arise from physical contact. Next is the psychogenic erection, caused by visual (or audio) stimulus; often simple imagination, but no contact. The third and final type is your nocturnal erection. This comes when you are in the deep stage of sleep (also known as deep REM). Interestingly, while they can be a source of embarrassment to some, morning glory is often a sign of a healthy penis.
What causes erectile dysfunction and what can improve it?
The first thing to remember is that there can be an issue with the anatomy itself (as outlined above), but more often than not it is due to a psychological component such as stress, relationship issues and/or anxiety and depression. A lot of the lifestyle measures that are beneficial for your physical and mental wellbeing can also help improve erectile function.
Smoking and alcohol
Smoking is known to affect erectile function due to toxins from cigarettes damaging the blood vessels of the penis. While a modest amount of alcohol can help relax people and loosen inhibitions, too much alcohol can be associated with difficulty getting an erection and keeping it there.
Exercise
One thing you can do more of (but not excessively) to improve things is exercise. Aerobic exercise will help improve blood vessel health, prevent furring of the arteries (yes, that includes the ones that supply the penis), help control body weight (excess fat in men will lead to an increased conversion of testosterone to oestrogen) and probably help with some of the psychological issues that can affect erectile function such as sleep, mood and confidence.
If you really want to go the extra mile, try some pelvic floor workouts to strengthen the penile muscles that retain blood needed for a healthy erection.
Diet
Dark berries, rich in the antioxidant anthocyanin, can help reduce the levels of free radicals (harmful to nitric oxide production) and allow for good penile blood flow. While there are no specific “erection diets”, achieving good control of any condition that affects your blood vessels, such as diabetes, high blood pressure or raised cholesterol, allows for better erections by minimising long-term vascular damage.
Psychological causes
As previously touched on, there’s a number of psychological factors that can influence erectile function, including, but not limited to, stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, shame, low self-esteem, and body image issues. Each of these can affect erections in different ways. In the case of stress or anxiety, though, clinical psychologist Rob O’Flaherty says that a person’s fight or flight response can be activated. When this happens, it leads to physiological changes – even if the stress or anxiety isn’t life-threatening – including drawing blood away from areas of the body where it’s not needed, for example, the penis, which makes it more difficult to achieve an erection. “A lot of men find that they have one incident where they’ve experienced a difficulty with their erection, and this goes on to cause more anxiety the next time they are intimate with someone,” explains O’Flaherty, “creating more anxiety and leading to more erectile difficulties.”
O’Flaherty adds that it’s normal for the penis not to be 100 percent hard throughout sex, explaining that it naturally softens and hardens at various stages. However, if a person feels their erection softening during sex, it can sometimes lead to them feeling worried that they’re losing it completely, which, again, can cause anxiety and make the erection more difficult to sustain.
To identify whether your erectile dysfunction has a psychological cause, O’Flaherty advises visiting your GP first to rule out any physical health causes or side effects of any medication you might be taking. He suggests that if you wake up with erections in the morning or you can get hard when you’re alone, just not when you’re with a partner, it’s more likely that the cause is psychological.
What to do next
If you feel that you are suffering with erectile dysfunction, speak to your doctor about it (it’s a common complaint). In the meantime, try and incorporate some of the suggestions above and if things don’t improve, you can explore other options, likely to be in the form of a small blue pill (AKA Viagra) which can be used to get you get back on the horse or, in some cases, to allow you to enjoy a healthy intimate life longterm.
How to increase arousal without medication
First, consider if you’re in a sexual rut or you’re having sex on, as O’Flaherty calls it, “autopilot”. The latter, he explains, is when you “go through the motions but are not fully present and connected to what you’re doing at the time”. One way to switch off this autopilot is to practice mindfulness, which can help you feel fully engaged with what you’re doing. “During sex, this can help us notice and feel more of what we’re experiencing, rather than just doing what we’ve always done,” he tells GQ.
Another way to heighten arousal and hopefully improve erectile function is to introduce freshness into your sex life, potentially by way of toys or kink practices.
O’Flaherty says this can stimulate and excite a person in ways they haven’t experienced before, and can help them connect with their body and their partner by focusing on different sensations, tastes, smells, and sounds. “Many men especially believe that sex is just about penetration, and therefore if they can’t sustain an erection, they feel like they’ve failed,” he continues. “Introducing other things into the bedroom can show that there’s more to sexual pleasure than having an erect penis for the whole duration. Taking this pressure off oneself can actually lead to better erections as it reduces the anxiety experienced.”
It might also be worth considering your porn habits. Porn isn’t a bad thing – in fact, it’s a useful tool for masturbation, which is a good thing (more on that in a minute) – but, O’Flaherty explains, it’s often better used in moderation rather than excess. “If someone watches a lot of porn, they may become over-reliant on visual stimulation to increase arousal,” says O’Flaherty.
“Men may go on autopilot and masturbate using the ‘death grip’ to hold their penis tightly in the same way over and over, neglecting the rest of their body. It can then become difficult to become aroused or ejaculate using other techniques.” That’s not to say you shouldn’t masturbate – in fact, you definitely should. Again, adds O’Flaherty, in moderation. “It’s advisable to try mindful masturbation, where you focus more on exploring the whole of your body, not solely focusing on the penis,” he shares. “The key is to be as present as you can be and take notice of what you’re experiencing.”
Lastly, communicating your anxiety or erectile dysfunction with your partner(s) or even a psychologist or couple’s therapist can be helpful in overcoming it. “If the erection problems are caused or heavily influenced by psychological factors, then talking about them and getting support can lead to great improvements or even stop it being an issue,” concludes O’Flaherty. Although it can be difficult communicating when it comes to sex and intimacy, being honest with yourself and your partner can help alleviate anxiety, and often then the issue itself.
[via GQ UK]