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DON’T ever let people get the impression that you are “nice”!
That’s it. That’s all I have to say this week. Wow, even I am impressed. That’s the shortest column I have ever written – just 11 words.
Oh dear, judging by all the furrowed brows of all the readers, I fear I may have to explain myself just a little bit.
How do I put this? You must know that being “nice” creates its own set of problems … for example, you’ve probably heard the story of the middle-aged man who saw an older woman walking towards the door near him, so, to be “nice”, he proceeded to open it for her.
Instead of thanking him, she, and everyone else on the plane, started screaming.
Ahem … maybe I should be serious for a minute.
Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed how, these days, “nice” people are treated pretty shabbily?
It’s as if at an alarmingly increasing rate, quality of service seems to be decreasing – unless, that is, you are prepared to fume, rant, and kick up a fuss, demanding your rights and throwing toys out of the cot.
If you kick up some dust, stop being “nice”, threaten consequences and take people on, they tend to back down. If you’re “nice”, however, you often hit stone walls.
Then there are other common ways “nice” people are taken advantage of. Maybe because “nice” people tend to be accommodating, empathetic, and selfless.
This could mean that the “nice” person would be overburdened with tasks, by those avoiding their own duties, seeing as the “nice” seldom say no. Nice people could also be manipulated and exploited by making them feel guilty about something that’s not even under their control.
But by far the worst violations of “niceness” are the boundary violations “nice” people often endure. There are those who often push “nice” folk, encroach on their time and exhaust their energy, assuming they won’t object or assert themselves. This leads to the “nice” person frequently feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
So … have you, like I have, also wondered why people would instinctively treat “nice” people as if they were stupid? The answer I am about to suggest is going to sound terribly weird, but it could be a good conversation starter at a future social gathering.
You see, 500 years ago, when “nice” was first used, it didn’t mean “pleasant or agreeable” like it does today.
No, coming to modern-day English from the Latin word “nescius”, by way of Old French and Middle English, “nice” originally meant “foolish, ignorant or stupid”.
Of course, the word developed over time, and by the 16th century, “nice” had the sense of being “very particular” or “finicky”. It was only in the 19th century that “nice” came to mean what it does today.
So back to my original column: “Don’t ever let people get the impression that you are ‘nice’.”
Of course, I mean “nice” in the 16th-century sense of the word. Admit it, it would be nice to disappoint some entitled people, set some boundaries, and say “No, I can’t” once in a while.
You owe it to yourself to be “modern-day nice” to yourself.