Sedentary until payday

AROUND two years ago I found a pair of sneakers that I really liked. They were the colour I prefer (black), they fitted so well that my tootsies felt as snug as a bug in a rug; and, to top it all off, they were on sale, marked down quite a bit.

So for the past two years I have been bouncing around the city in my stylish takkies, feeling rather chuffed with myself. Oh, seeing as they were my favourite pair, I made sure I kept them looking good with a foam cleaner. However, they eventually started getting a bit ‘vaal’.

A voice in my head – you know that voice you never argue with – said, “It’s time to wash them; they probably smell like the Gogga Pump Station!” And so I gave my stylish black, brand-name sneakers a long-overdue and thorough scrub.

As I put them out to dry and hung the laces on the washing line, I noticed for the first time that one of the laces was at least 15cm shorter than the other.

“Fancy that,” I said, as I smirked to myself.

However, now that I know one lace is shorter, it irritates me every time I tie my laces. So for the past two weeks, my left shoe has the perfect knotted bow, but the right shoe has a short, stumpy knot. I’d like to repeat that it had been this way for two years, but I had never noticed; yet now that I am aware of the problem I have even started walking with a limp!

Ah yes … the good old days – in this case, the days before I knew about my deformed laces – were certainly better.

But isn’t it always that way?

I mean, for years I used to play a word game on my old iPad. It was pretty simple to play; go online, challenge an opponent and match your word building skills against theirs. Then the makers of the app brought out an “improved” version and presented it to the user as “a better experience”.

It wasn’t. The new experience involves receiving rewards, winning trophies, earning coins, being challenged by AI bots, and generally being immersed into a constant sensory bombardment. What used to be a relaxing game where you could improve your vocabulary has become an irritating, noisy, ‘visually loud’ barrage. I miss the old game, but it’s no longer available for download.

Look, the argument over whether older was better or if newer is an improvement will probably never be definitively decided. But I have my opinions.

Remember the old days when you could actually miss a phone call, and someone would just simply call you back later on? But have you also noticed how steamed some people can become these days if you don’t answer the phone, or immediately reply to a text message after ‘blue-ticking’ it?

Somewhere, somehow we have learned to expect instant gratification … or else.

But it’s not only these little irritations that are a concern. A few short decades ago the diseases, ailments and afflictions that are commonplace today were extremely rare.

I was thinking about this, and thought about how – a few short decades ago – takeaway food was a luxury, while today it’s almost a staple. Eating out happened rarely, but these days people eat out all the time.

Then there’s our sedentary lifestyles. Those ‘few short decades ago’ we would save up to go to the cinema once a week; these days we stream movies into our homes and we can watch one or more full-length feature films a day if we want.

Do you remember how TV actually closed down at night? There was the waving flag, the national anthem and then a test pattern until 6am the following day. You had to fill up your time another way; you had no other choice.

Oh, and do you remember how there was one episode of your favourite show – whether comedy, drama or soap opera – per week? Well, these days we can plant ourselves on the sofa, with a bucket of snacks and do a 12-hour binge if we choose to; then if food runs low, we can hail a scooter to fill up the snack cart.

Heart disease, elevated cholesterol, poor eyesight, back problems, dodgy hips and knees … How many of these problems were we sidestepping just because we were more active and ate better?

And now, here I sit staring at my shoes, realising that I will not be able to exercise again until after payday. After all, how can I possibly exercise when my walking has become unbearable because of this infernal short shoelace on my right shoe?