Picture: Foundry Co, Pixabay
RUMMAGING through an old box the other day, I stumbled across a stack of my old Karate certificates. According to what’s written on them, I am supposed to be a lethal weapon.
However, the reality is that I have not kept at it honing and perfecting the craft and, sadly now a few decades on from my last practice session, I am no more than a blubbery heap of “oh if only”.
And how serious my pals and I were about our art. We were constantly training; not only our form and our fighting, but we were constantly improving our strength, stamina and flexibility. Even our games were influenced by our enthusiasm.
We used to sneak out at night and meet at each other’s homes to skulk around dressed in full ninja regalia … because everyone knows that to be a true martial artist you need to have excellent camouflage skills.
These days, many years and many kilograms later, we still think back to those days with much fondness, and speak about it with warmth and a good dollop of amusement.
The point is, no matter what “refined gentlemen” we are today, our childhoods were full and we have entertaining, amusing and not a few embarrassing memories to fall back on. Speaking for myself, I treasure those stupid memories.
And by the way, were we effective at hiding? I’d say. We were even better at it than the US Army. True story.
Back in 2004 the US Army introduced a new pixelated camouflage uniform, called the ‘Universal Camouflage Pattern’ or UCP. Unfortunately the investment turned out to be a $5 billion blunder– yes, I said FIVE BILLION DOLLARS!
Industry insiders were not kind, calling the whole exercise a ‘fiasco’, and understandably, there were many who were enraged that the Army took eight years to address the issue.
The UCP used grey, beige, and green computer-generated pixels as the primary colours with the intention of helping disguise soldiers in both desert and forest terrain.
But because the camouflage failed to include black in the pattern, it appeared flat against 3D surfaces, making it easier to spot those soldiers who were wearing it, especially when they wore flak jackets and backpacks that had been designed to be worn with the army’s older uniforms.
According to one Army specialist who served in Iraq, the uniform was especially visible “at rifle distance”. Now THAT is a hazardous job, if ever there was one.
Unless you were a baker, that is … Yes, I am indeed full of useless information today.
But I was recently quite surprised to learn that one of the more dangerous jobs in Victorian times in Britain – around the mid- to late 1800s – was being a baker.
Yes indeed, according to archaeologist Dr Alex Langlands, the average life expectancy of a Victorian-era baker was 42 years. In fact, by the age of 30 they were past their prime already and on the way to an early grave.
Why? Well, simply because the demand for bread had leapt with the development of industry and factories. Bakers had to churn out huge batches of baked goods from early morning. This meant that bakers usually started their shift at around 11pm.
As if working through the night every night were not bad enough, they would have to shovel coal, fire up coal ovens and knead and shape massive batches of dough in bakeries that were usually located in cellars without windows and therefore without ventilation.
Imagine that pit during the heart of summer. But I suppose it was a job and it was a source of income, so there were always willing apprentices lined up to take over as the spent bakers dropped like deflated soufflés.
So there it is, we have just proven that work is bad for one’s health. And around this time of the year, I can almost sense heads nodding in affirmation. Bring on the holidays!
However, studies have shown that too much leisure time is not good either. Evidently, one's sense of well-being improves along with their free time – but only to a certain extent. In fact, having too much spare time might also be detrimental.
Yes, one study showed that “regularly having more than five hours of discretionary time in the day is too much, because it undermines one’s sense of purpose”.
What’s more, a growing body of research indicates that prolonged sitting, even in those who regularly exercise, increases the risk of obesity, diabetes, cancer, and early mortality.
Despite this, many people these days spend an average of 10 hours every day sitting down, including in cars, at work, and in front of televisions.
This statistic terrifies me because I have a job that has me sitting down for protracted periods. I was even forced to ask myself, am I the 21st Century version of a Victorian-era baker?
That being said, the Festive Season and holiday season lies ahead, so for those taking a well-deserved break, enjoy it to the full.
For those travelling be safe, and watch out for the maniacs on our roads … also don’t be a maniac – it has been proven over and over and over that speeding, sleepy and inattentive drivers (those driving and using cellphones) are dangerous; so don’t be that person.
And when you get back in the new year, make a point of doing so wisely. Someone recently taught me that one should have more than ONE hobby. She said that five was about right.
“You need one hobby to make you money, one to keep you in shape (by the way, round doesn’t qualify as a shape), one hobby to boost your creativity, one to expand your knowledge and finally one to evolve your mindset.”
Yes, it’s good to be committed and dedicated to your job, but you also have to be kind to yourself … you owe it to yourself to find out what’s good for the body, mind and spirit.
So hopefully all of us will be doing more of that come 2023.
But before I go, I need to tell a story that almost got me killed this past week, when I told it to what is now a former friend.
Many, many years ago, a Japanese prince planted an orchard of fruit trees in the middle of a vast lake. His reasoning was that with the fruit trees being in the middle of the lake, and with guard posts situated all around on the banks, it would be harder for thieves to sneak in like ninjas and steal his precious fruit.
The prince was particularly partial to cherries, so most of the tiny island was planted with cherry trees.
One year, when the cherries had ripened – and these were the best cherries in all of the land – the young prince sent his fleet of boats to the island to harvest and bring in the crop.
“Every last cherry must be picked,” he told his workers. “Leave nothing for bird or squirrel or ant. Bring them all to me!”
The day wore on and the labourers toiled. But by evening, they had harvested every single red orb. The prince sat on the balcony of his summer palace, strumming his sanshin as he anticipated the mouthwatering feast that was headed his way.
Just then one of the boats carrying its precious cargo of cherries caught fire. The other boats rushed to the rescue of the vessel, not wanting any of the prince’s precious cherries to be lost. However, in their attempts to save one boat, all the other boats caught alight and sank.
As the prince, with tears in his eyes, watched his flaming boats vanishing into the lake, his hands instinctively composed a sad melody.
And that was the first time the world heard the now famous tune, ‘Cherry Yachts of Fire’.
Sorry, I know that was awful. But I needed to get that off my chest before the end of 2022. I hope to see you all next year. Take care till then.