Valentine’s Day for the reluctant: how to celebrate when your partner’s just not that into it

Valentine’s Day usually splits the world into two camps: the "red roses and reservations" crew and the "it’s just a money-making scheme" crowd.

When people from opposing views happen to be in the same relationship, February 14th can feel less like a romance and more like a negotiation.

The secret to a drama-free Valentine's Day is finding a "middle ground" that feels authentic to both of you, no cheesy cards required.

"The day doesn't have to be about roses and candlelit dinners. It can simply be about spending time together in a way that feels authentic to your relationship," shares Jenna Brightwell, dating and relationship expert at Monsta Toys, a fantasy-driven adult toy brand.

“When one partner isn't into Valentine's Day, try not to see it as a rejection but rather a different perspective on how love should be expressed. The couples who thrive are the ones who communicate openly and create their own rules instead of following what society expects.

Here is how to find the "soft luxury" middle ground and celebrate in a way that benefits both of you.

Redefine what celebrating means

Remove the pressure. If your partner finds traditional romance forced or awkward, shift the focus to what actually matters: spending quality time together.

This could be as simple as watching a movie at home, cooking dinner together or going for a walk in your favourite park.

“Valentine's Day can be whatever you want it to be. If that means ordering takeout and binge-watching a show together, that's perfectly valid," shares Brightwell.

Keep expectations low and honest

If you're hoping for a romantic evening and your partner is dreading the whole thing, nobody wins. The solution? Talk about it beforehand.

“Have an honest conversation about what you both want from the day. Maybe you agree to skip the fancy restaurant but share a nice dessert at home. Or perhaps you decide to acknowledge the day with a simple ‘I love you’ and nothing more.”

Brightwell adds that setting realistic expectations means you can both enjoy the day without resentment or disappointment.

Turn it into a "comfort day"

If your partner isn't into Valentine's Day, flip the script entirely. Instead of forcing romance, make it a day about comfort and relaxation. Think cosy pyjamas, snacks and no pressure.

“Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is create a lowkey, comfortable environment where you both feel relaxed. Order your favourite food, watch something funny, and just enjoy being together without any agenda."

Celebrate your relationship, not the calendar

Celebrate on February 13 or 15. By shifting the date, you strip away the commercial pressure. You’ll get better service, cheaper flowers and a more relaxed atmosphere. It becomes a celebration of your relationship rather than a calendar requirement.

"There's no rule that says you have to celebrate love on Valentine's Day specifically. What matters is that you're making time to appreciate each other, whenever that feels right."

Create your own tradition

Instead of following traditional Valentine's expectations, create something unique to your relationship. Maybe you order pizza and play video games, go shopping together, or spend the evening working on a project you both enjoy.

“The best traditions are the ones you create yourselves. They don't have to look romantic to anyone else. They just have to feel meaningful to you.”

Use the "1%" rule

For the partner who isn't into it, even a small effort goes a long way. If you’re the "hater" in the relationship, remember that the day is about your partner. Pick one tiny thing to upgrade.

You don't need a tuxedo or a poem; just bring home their favourite specific snack or handle a chore they usually dread. It’s a "micro-gesture" that says, "I see you" without feeling forced.

“Compromise means respecting where your partner is at while still honouring your own feelings."