Artificial pubic hair thongs? Kim Kardashian's latest Skims drop leaves fans speechless

Just when you thought fashion couldn’t get any weirder, here we are.

Another bizarre trend has crawled out of Hollywood, and, of course, it’s thanks to none other than Kim Kardashian.

At this point, I’m convinced celebrities are just sitting in boardrooms tossing cash at chaotic ideas for vibes. Because honestly… what the heck is this?

Kim, one of the biggest sex symbols of our generation, has officially launched hairy thongs. Yes. Hairy. Thongs. Siri, please play "Thong Song" by Sisqó before I pass out.

Skims, the shapewear/underwear/anything-goes brand she built on beige body stockings and nipples as marketing dropped its newest “innovation” on Tuesday, October 14.

They posted a 70s-style video on Instagram asking the age-old question: “Does the carpet match the drapes?”

Now, for anyone who doesn't speak vintage innuendo: that line basically means, “Is your hair colour up top the same as your, uh... downstairs hair?” It’s the kind of question your inappropriate uncle would ask after his fourth brandy at Christmas.

For years, having any hair “down there” has been treated like a hygiene crime. People gasped, “Oh my word, you don’t wax?” as if they had discovered you store corpses in your kitchen cupboards.

But apparently, the bush is back, and Kardashian needed to stamp it with a Skims price tag before society could accept it.

And these hairy thongs? They look like someone scalped a Barbie, snipped the pieces into strips, and stuck them onto a G-string with Pritt. Imagine buying a bad wig for your vagenius.

And to make it worse, they’re calling it “artificial pubic hair”, like that suddenly makes it fashion and not a fever dream. I just know conspiracy theorists are cooking.

Give it two days, and someone will post: “This is real human hair from people Skims sacrificed in Hollywood”. Imagine?

Naturally, the internet had things to say. Because when Kardashian is involved, controversy is basically a PR strategy. She was married to Kanye West; "unusual" is literally her brand. If she sold toe socks made of porcupine quills, people would still queue.

One fan commented, “I feel like it’s to make fun of Kourtney.”

Kourtney has proudly embraced the natural downstairs situation for years. Scott Disick once shaved her on national television with a hair clipper. Iconic behaviour.

Another person said, “I want underwear with hair said no one EVER!” Clearly, that person hasn’t met the kink community because best believe, someone is currently adding three to their cart with no hesitation. In all different shades."

And please don’t think Kris Jenner didn’t run the data. That woman can monetise dust. However, they researched this – I do NOT want details – the thongs are selling out like hot cakes. In fact, it sold out. 

Additionally, the Skims Faux Hair Micro String Thong is priced at US $32 (around R554). Yeah, for that bietjie (little) fabric, but it's probably the artificial hair that's bringing up the price. 

So yes, pubes are officially trending. And somewhere in Calabasas, Kardashian is counting her millions while we sit here asking, “Is this fashion or a prank?”