“I would date an older man just to have a roof over my head and food on the table,” says an anonymous young woman, exposing a hidden survival economy sweeping South Africa.
As youth unemployment soars to record levels and inequality widens, blesser/blessee relationships are becoming a lifeline for tens of thousands of young women. Experts warn these transactional arrangements are feeding cycles of poverty, gender-based violence, and mental health crises, leaving a generation trapped between financial desperation and social stigma.
In August 2025, Statistics South Africa (Stats SA) reported 8.4 million unemployed people, an increase of 140 000, pushing the official unemployment rate to 33.2%.
Clinical psychologist Sibongile Sibanyoni provides further insight into the devastation these dynamics inflict on mental health. According to her research, 82.8% of young African women in impoverished areas engage in relationships with older men, often as a result of absent or unreliable carers.
“Some of these girls are now at the level of intensive psychotherapy, presenting with anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and even psychosis linked to substance abuse,” said Sibanyoni.
Her findings also suggest that early instability in family life drives a deep need for financial security, which makes transactional relationships more appealing but also more damaging.
For young women from poor backgrounds, the pressure to survive can be overwhelming. As one anonymous woman puts it, the idea of “having someone to rely on financially takes away a lot of stress and pressure.”
"I would date an older man mainly because of the stability and benefits he could provide ... like buying me a house or renting me an apartment, getting me a car, or just making sure I’m well taken care of financially. Coming from a poor background ... the idea of having someone to rely on financially takes away a lot of stress and pressure.
"Dating an older and more secure man ... is a dynamic where both partners understand what they’re giving and what they’re receiving, so expectations are clear."
One man, who spoke anonymously, shared his perspective as someone who has been in such relationships.
“Young people are under pressure to pay for school, support their families, or even just afford basics like data, clothing and food. Providing financial help, whether for fees or groceries, becomes part of the relationship dynamic. For instance, I’ve provided help with school fees or groceries, and in return, there’s mutual respect and companionship. It’s not just about giving; it’s about building a trust-based relationship where both sides understand the expectations and boundaries.”
He insisted that his arrangements were consensual and grounded in respect, stating, “I make it very clear from the start that consent and respect are non-negotiable. I check in regularly to make sure my partner feels safe and encourage open communication about boundaries.”
While his account portrays such relationships as negotiated and consensual, experts caution that the power imbalance between older, wealthier men and vulnerable young women complicates genuine consent.
Fatima Mamod, non-executive director at the National Shelter Movement of South Africa, said the unemployment figures reflect a growing social crisis: “South Africa’s worsening unemployment crisis is not just an economic statistic; it is driving young women into harmful intergenerational relationships that entrench inequality and fuel gender-based violence.”
Mamod said beyond basic needs, these relationships create psychological burdens, shame, secrecy, low self-esteem, and trauma bonds that entrench dependency.
She further warned that financial dependence also heightens women’s vulnerability to abuse, explaining, “Transactional relationships are linked to higher rates of coercion, condomless sex, partner concurrency, and HIV risk. Dependency reduces women’s ability to exit harmful situations, embedding cycles of emotional, psychological, and economic abuse.”
Human rights advocate Nozizwe Madlala-Routledge, co-founder of Embrace Dignity, emphasised that systemic gender inequality exacerbates these harmful dynamics.
“Women and girls, especially from marginalised backgrounds, are overwhelmingly at the bottom of the economic ladder. Gender inequality, GBV, and systemic racial and class inequalities create dependency where women are socialised to view men as providers. These inequalities drive blesser/blessee relationships and prostitution as a whole.”
Madlala-Routledge added that at their core, such relationships involve the exchange of sex for money, goods, or opportunities, regardless of whether they are labelled transactional relationships, prostitution, or “blesser culture”.
“Economic hardships and socio-economic factors drive young people into all forms of transactional relationships, including prostitution and blesser/blessee relationships, which are essentially the same. In all these relationships, there is an exchange of sex for material goods, jobs, benefits or money,” she explained.
The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) warns that unemployment figures mask a deeper, silent crisis.
SADAG has called the impact of chronic unemployment on young people’s mental health “a sinister epidemic carving invisible scars into the wellbeing of a generation.”
Industrial psychologist Professor Lene Graupner explained how unemployment strips young people of purpose.
“Having meaningful work gives individuals fulfilment. Without it, your new ‘work’ becomes job searching. Imposter syndrome and self-doubt creep in, fuelling hopelessness and limiting aspirations.”
“Joblessness is no longer just about economic hardship. It’s about losing your sense of self-worth, feeling less valuable, being cut off from others, and carrying a heavy sense of hopelessness,” said Jeetesh, leader of SADAG’s Online Jobseekers Support Group.
Experts agree that addressing the rise of transactional relationships requires a multi-layered response: tackling unemployment, strengthening education and income security, and expanding GBV support systems.
anita.nkonki@inl.co.za
Saturday Star