Helen Zille turns the tables: Panellists become punchlines in a hilarious roast showdown

I CAN'T resist watching high-profile names getting roasted. It’s a therapeutic laugh at the end of a long day. 

Of course, there are drawbacks and not every roast fires on all cylinders. And “The Showmax Roast of Helen Zille” is a perfect case in point. 

The political figure, who is also referred to as GodZille and GogoZille, is no stranger to public scrutiny. Being in the hot seat is commonplace for her.

At 74, all I can say is, ‘Wow!’ Her youthful appearance belies her age. If fighting the good fight means ageing backwards, I’m here for it. 

As far as candidates go, she was a solid choice. However, I am not cosigning the list of roastees. Talk about an oddball line-up of Loyiso Gola, Bongani Bingwa, Rian van Heerden, Zwai Bala, JJ Tabane, Mel Viljoen, Coconut Kelz, Sizwe Mpofu-Walsh, Londie London, and Patricia de Lille.

What the actual … never mind!

Meanwhile, Tumi Morake returned to the host podium alongside Trevor Gumbi. Did she give them a rate reduction to return because even the panellists have run out of jibes when it comes to her? 

At this stage, the insults of her failed career, being a baby-making machine, and her love of African men are burned out. 

The panellist on the Minnie Dlamini roast has exhausted most insults. 

Also, as this roast progressed, the chemistry with Gumbi appeared to be running on fumes. He just looked so checked out (more like spaced out) most of the time. 

Now let’s unpack the panellists. Bingwa, the former “Carte Blanche” alumnus, kicked off the roast. While there was nothing wrong with his material, his execution of the punchlines fell flat. 

Nice guy, he may be. But tickling the funnybone is not his forte. He hasn’t quite mastered the balancing act of investigation and sarcasm à la Shahan Ramkissoon or Devi Sankaree Govender. Shem.

For those scratching their heads wondering why Viljoen was there, you are not alone. Talk about a deceptively flawless execution. Colour me impressed. 

London got more mileage for her braid business. Of course, shots were fired at her for her choice in men but it was water of a ducks back. 

She held her own on the podium. 

Mpofu-Walsh was dragged for having the privilege of both worlds: black and white. His fellow roasters didn’t miss a beat in bringing up his failed music career or living in the shadow of his famous father. 

He proved his detractors wrong, though. He held his own under the scrutiny and threw shade right back at his haters. 

Tabane “hijacked” the show as only he could. His grand entrance was met by a fleeting exit. Seriously, what was he doing there?

Out of respect, I won’t say much about the other politician on the panel, Van Heerden or Bala. The quips didn't meet the show's usual high standards, but the audience humoured them all the same.

 I take my hat off to Kelz, who delivered her playful banter via video, and Gola, who gave everyone a masterclass on how to pull no punches.

Their jokes displayed sharp and powerful wit. 

Of course, the pièce de résistance was Zille, and she dismantled the panellists with the calculated precision and assurance expected of a seasoned politician.

Her arsenal of solid intel, thanks to Google, made her burn, sting. She was a great sport and took all the transphobic and JK Rowling digs in her stride. 

Overall, this was a damp squib of a roast. Next…

Rating: ** significant flaws but some merit.