In many families, love and connection should take precedence over financial status. Yet, whether subtly or blatantly, money often defines unspoken power structures within family dynamics. Women, in particular, find themselves caught in this web—whether as daughters, sisters, wives, or mothers. Here, Registered Counsellor, Melissa Davids shares her perspective
“Financial status can dictate who is listened to, who gets to make decisions, and who is seen as "successful" in the eyes of the family,” says Melissa. Enlightening that these invisible hierarchies shape relationships in ways that can be painful, alienating, and, at times, deeply unfair. She unpacks the dynamics below:
The Money-Power Equation
Wealth has long been linked to authority, but within families, it manifests in unique ways. A sister who earns significantly more might find her opinions hold more weight at family gatherings. A stay-at-home mother may feel dismissed compared to a financially independent sibling. An ageing parent may favour the child who provides financial support, sometimes at the cost of emotional bonds with others.
For women, this imbalance is even more pronounced due to societal conditioning. Many are raised to believe that financial success is secondary to nurturing roles, making it easier for others to assert dominance based on their earnings. This silent hierarchy creates fractures in relationships, often causing resentment and insecurity.
Financial superiority in families is rarely spoken about, yet its effects are deeply felt. Some family members use their financial status as leverage—whether subtly or overtly. For example:
Such dynamics foster an environment where financial standing becomes synonymous with worth. Those who earn less may feel undervalued or pressured to prove their worth in other ways, leading to strained relationships and unspoken resentment.
For many women, financial dependence—whether on a spouse, parent, or sibling—can lead to a diminished voice within the family structure. Decisions about household matters, childcare, or even career choices may be influenced by the one who "brings home the money." Women who take on unpaid caregiving roles often find their labor undervalued, despite its undeniable contribution to the family’s well-being.
Additionally, those who step into the role of financial provider for their families often experience a different challenge—being seen as a resource rather than a valued family member. Women who support parents or siblings financially may feel obligated to keep giving, even at the expense of their own needs, while those who struggle financially might feel the weight of judgment.
While financial disparities will always exist, they don’t have to define family relationships. Here’s how women can navigate and challenge these unspoken divisions:
The silent hierarchy that money creates in families can be deeply ingrained, but it doesn’t have to dictate relationships. Women, in particular, have the power to redefine their roles, assert their worth beyond financial standing, and foster family connections based on mutual respect rather than monetary influence. By bringing these unspoken dynamics into the light, we create space for healthier, more equitable family relationships—where every voice is heard, regardless of the size of the pay check behind it.