Hero one day, villain the next

QUITE a number of years ago, when phone calls and SMSes were the only means of staying in touch, I decided that driving and using a cellphone was not for me.

The result of that decision is that it has freed me up to concentrate on my driving as well as notice things happening on or near the road. It’s a fantastic experience, and I wish more folk would try it.

This past week, for instance, I was driving and I noticed two ‘doggos’ running in the busy road. They looked confused and bewildered. For those who don’t know, “dogs” are the animals with tails, fur, and teeth, while “doggos” look the same, but they’re smiling all the time.

Knowing inattentive drivers abound, I pulled over. The friendly pair bounded up to say hi. One had a tag on his collar and was calm enough for me to read it. To cut a long story short, the tag had the owner’s number, and following a few phone calls and a bit of a search – because they bounded off after greeting me – their humans got them home safe.

That night, I fell asleep content, happy that I had been witness to and part of something good. I felt like a hero, and it felt good. There’s plenty of evidence that proves that helping others lowers stress and even extends life. 

But on the flip side, a few weeks earlier, I was at the mall, walking and scrolling, reading an article  on my phone, when a toddler came jogging in my general direction. I looked up and noticed two women sitting on a bench, watching the child and laughing.

I assumed it was their child, and continued scroll-walking.

Soon, I passed by a restaurant, where a teenager walked out with the manager and pointed in the direction that the child had run. It turns out the toddler had slipped out of the play area without his parents or the staff noticing.

I felt sick; I didn’t sleep too well that night, berating myself for not confirming with the women on the bench that the child was indeed with them. My assumption was badly wrong; I felt like a villain!

But upon reflection, there seems, to me, to be a common thread.

When I was wrapped up in my device, my levels of alertness and compassion seemed to take a back seat. But driving without a phone gave me an edge … that’s interesting.

Online articles suggest that too much use of smartphones may impact our brains, with recent research indicating that it might, for one thing, affect our social and emotional regulation skills. It seems that disconnecting from our devices can help us connect with our fellow man.

However, a word of caution: Beneficence can backfire if one is overzealous.

I heard a story of a man who came home from church sporting two black eyes.

“What happened to you?” asked his wife, who had stayed home.

“Well, there I was minding my business when it was time to sing a hymn. It was when we stood up that I noticed that the woman in front of me had her dress stuck in her … well … her cheeks,” he said. “So I reached over and pulled it out. It was then that she turned around and slugged me in the eye!”

“But both your eyes are blue,” said his wife. “Explain that!”

“Well, I figured that she must have wanted it tucked in, so I put it back,” he replied.