GREY MUTTER: Bullying is not limited to physical, social, or emotional aggression; it can take on any number of forms, each equally damaging, writes Lance Fredericks.
BULLYING can manifest in many forms, each capable of inflicting profound psychological and emotional pain. Whether it’s verbal abuse, physical threats, or psychological manipulation, the impact of bullying can feel like torture, leaving lasting scars on an individual’s well-being.
Sometimes, something as simple as grocery shopping can make you feel like you’re being bullied. Nowadays, store policies seem designed to grind already burdened South African consumers further into the ground.
Benefits? What benefits?
Recently, I discovered I had accumulated R70 in cashback rewards on a store loyalty card, which was a welcome relief during a particularly tight month. Excited, I headed to the mall, braving the store’s confusing layout to finally pick the items I needed. But when it came time to pay, I encountered the frustrating inefficiency of South African consumer systems.
Having swapped my physical store card for the convenience of an app that stores all my cards on my smart device, I thought the process would be seamless. Sigh … not in South Africa. Both the cashier and the supervisor informed me, in so many words, that there was no way to redeem my R70.
I could have insisted, made a scene, and demanded my rights, but I just felt drained and simply gave up. It became clear that it’s not smart having their shopper card on my app. Lesson learned, card deleted.
It’s disheartening to realise that customer satisfaction often takes a back seat to corporate profits. Sure, you can fight, claw, and argue your way to a resolution, but you’d better be ready to get down in the mud.
In South Africa, sadly, it seems companies only respond favourably to the most difficult and aggressive customers.
As for me, the whole experience left me feeling exhausted, violated, even bullied.
The many faces of bullying
But bullying is not limited to physical, social, or emotional aggression (or big box supermarkets flexing their muscles on lowly consumers); it can take on any number of forms, each equally damaging.
Being bullied can lead to sleep deprivation, stress, and anxiety in the victim. As if South Africans don’t have enough to shoulder with rising crime, inefficient infrastructure, and the skyrocketing prices of everything, while courtesy, kindness and customer service standards plummet.
As I considered – and even researched – all of this, I discovered a form of bullying called “looping”.
Imagine, hypothetically, that you knew someone who, whenever they saw you, repeated the same phrase every time, making sure you heard them, and pushing you to respond; that would be irritating, right?
But imagine the same scenario drawn out over one, three, or even more years. Can you imagine the torment?
This could come in simple forms as that person who, whenever they see you they’ll say something like: “Hey skinny girl!” or “My, my you’re getting plump!” or even something as simple as: “When are you going to wax that unibrow?”
While it might seem like harmless, humorous banter or a way to connect with someone – the looper does not consider how much their comment might be hurting that person, making them cringe every time they see the looper or hear their voice.
‘Looping’ causes actual trauma
More than being downright irritating, looping pushes the victim into the realm of real trauma.
In fact, experts say that looping can lead to serious effects on the victim: mental exhaustion, increased anxiety, an inability to function, emotional distress, and a reduced quality of life, because looping involves repetitive, cyclical behaviour that keeps the victim in a state of constant anxiety and uncertainty.
This can, in addition to the comments mentioned earlier, include repeated verbal abuse, threats, or manipulative actions designed to undermine the victim’s confidence and sense of reality.
Recognising and breaking free from this cycle is crucial for mental well-being.
Meet the ‘Looper’
With looping having such a harsh effect on the victim, what would make someone intentionally do it?
Research suggests that loopers have manipulative tendencies, narcissistic traits, and though they suffer from insecurity, they lack empathy because they desire control. Some sources even suggest psychological issues.
The bottom line is the victim has to do something about the bullying – or else it won’t stop.
Walk away or speak up, but don’t cringe
If you are being “looped” but are non-confrontational, you can steer clear of individuals who exhibit bullying behaviour. Avoiding confrontation can help reduce stress and prevent escalation.
Rather focus your energy and spend time with friends, family, and colleagues that you have a positive relationship with. They can provide a supportive space for you. A strong peer network can offer protection and reduce the negative effects of bullying.
Or, if you’ve simply had enough – be confident and stand up for yourself in a calm and assertive manner. Telling the bully to stop in a firm voice can sometimes deter further harassment.
You don’t have to be rude or disrespectful. You can simply tell them their comments are hurtful or annoying and you’d like them to stop. It might be something as simple as: “With all due respect, I’d really like you to stop saying that to me. It’s hurtful/irritating/cruel. Just stop!”
Reach out
If you’re unsure of how to deal with the situation it’s OK to reach out to trusted individuals, such as friends, family members, or professionals, for support and advice. Reporting bullying to authorities or supervisors can also be an effective way to address the issue if things are physical or worse than just a few harsh words.
Bullying, in its many forms, can have devastating effects on an individual’s mental health. By implementing strategies to protect yourself, you can reduce the impact of bullying. Making it awkward or difficult for the bully to just carry on without consequence is a step in the right direction.
And we all have to do what we can to stop the loop.
As former US President Barack Obama once said: “Each of us deserves the freedom to pursue our own version of happiness. No one deserves to be bullied.”
